Celebratory Hater Post - It's Like a Party For My Blog!

Uh first, where's the fucking cake and cue the balloons and confetti because this is a damn celebration!

Little ol' Abigail has her first commentator sippin' on that hatorade. If you think this post is petty, you are welcome to see yourself out. Feel free to check back for another post, though. No hard feels.

The rest of you heathens - grab your party hats, popcorn, punch, and Jujubes to enjoy the show.
(Party favors will be booze for all interested at a later date.)

Now, I'm going to direct the remainder of this post to the sweet little gem that inspired it. 

Aren't you special?

Hello Random Person,

I would say nice to meet you (because I'm a lady like that), but I have a sneaking suspicion I have already met you. Instead, I'll say it's nice to see you again and thanks for taking the time out of your obviously painfully busy day to verse me on myself and relationships. So insightful, truly, but let me set you straight on a few things. You don't mind broadening your views on the subject, do you?
oh, good.

And here we go!

First, I would like to point out that no, I do not think I have it all figured out as I stated in my post. Let me direct your attention to the ninth line of my post where I stated, "And I'm also just fucking clueless of how this is all supposed to work." Well, all be damned! Would ya look at that! I think that pretty explicitly states that I'm practically running around like a chicken with my head cut off. All of my musings are merely just that, a reflection, all of which I form personal opinions about and in no way state that my opinions must be the truth.

The next course will be:

You Don't Know My Life Biscuits With a Side Of Eat Shit Gravy - Check it, I don't care how well you think you know me or my relationships. Let me bitch slap you with reality real quick - you don't know as much as you think you do. If you did, you'd have a much better position in my life than just ranting on my measly blog. I take responsibility for the shortcomings I have had in my relationships. However, I am also able to realize the shortcomings of others and I don't shy away from bringing them to light with my own. That's what you do when you're an adult and you want better relationships. You sit down, evaluate, determine what/who needs to change, and you move forward again like an awkward giraffe calf just birthed 6 feet off the ground, not very smoothly but you get there. Also, you don't know me well enough to know what I think so let's just take a chill pill, yeah? Sit down and drink your hate juice.

Moving on!

Sure, love just is. I can get down with that and all the mushy shit you just vomited all over my rational post. However, love can be evaluated and chosen. I might love an addict, but I am not going to choose that life. That doesn't erase the love, but it is a logical step away from it.You can love someone and still realize the need to walk away. Also, I don't know if you read it, but my post wasn't about love. My post was about casually dating. Two very, very different things with very different expectations and outcomes. And, I get butterflies every time I see pancakes, so...

Truckin' right along here - 

I realize that I have high expectations. Everyone who really knows me and listens to my incessant gabbing has heard me say this repeatedly. I do not ask things of others that I am not fully prepared to offer myself. And yes, I will fall short as will they, but there will be a joint desire to meet those expectations.
Love being unplanned or uncontrollable has nothing to do with my expectations. What are you envisioning here? I might see some person trippin' balls on the sidewalk, chasing after a squirrel for their next meal and experience love at first sight because love just is? No. Well maybe if they caught the squirrel, because that shows some impressive skill and dedication. Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner! The reason why I am going to fall in love with someone is because they strive to meet my expectations as I would do the same for them. It isn't going to be just some blind force like falling through a time warp where I'm just along for the ride because it's literally uncontrollable. I don't want that kind of love. That's playground love. I want major league love.

"You are always going to fail or be miserable with the requirements, rules and standards you hold." That statement is beyond inaccurate. I am not going to fail, because I am going to continually strive for greatness. Even if I don't attain greatness every time I grasp for it, I am still succeeding just by the effort itself. I would much rather hold high standards for myself and others and not have a perfect outcome than have low expectations that are met every time. I am not going to be miserable, because I am continuously progressing in learning and knowing myself. Also, homegirl over here knows how to make herself happy. I don't need no man!..or woman. I am going to hold out for that person who either meets my expectations or shows me that they are genuinely too high because they strive to meet them first and then educate me as to why I am being unreasonable. That person is going to be worth the wait. I will not settle just because I happen to feel butterflies. I will feel the whole fucking zoo with the right person.

Just around the riverbend!

You're right. I can only control and change myself. That entails controlling who I allow and devote my time to and for whom I want to change.
"If you have been let down in the past, it is due to you letting yourself down and not initiating self control of yourself." I'll give you partial credit. I take full responsibility for expecting things of people that I know cannot meet the requirements. I take full responsibility for settling and fooling myself into wasting time on people who are not worth it. However, I am always honest and forward about the things that I want and expect and I encourage that of others. I also expect them to be honest about whether or not they can or want to meet my expectations. Everyone has the right to say no or bow out. It takes two to tango...not sexually in this situation.
"Stop blaming others and letting yourself down. It will only come when you are ready for it, and not before. So if you want love and don't have it, ask yourself what YOUR doing wrong." First, you're*. Second, I place blame where blame is due. It is usually shared and I reserve the right to determine who has fallen short where, because this is my fucking life. If someone has a problem, I will promptly show them the door because they obviously don't have enough salt to pass muster. I am continually learning from myself and growing. I never claim to be faultless. I am capable of being faulty and realizing the faults in others. I am constantly evaluating myself to determine what I can do to be a better person for myself and that will be worthy of the love that I desire, all of which is no one else's business but mine.

Finale - 

I think you missed the entire point of my post and the blatant sarcasm tucked throughout. The post was about dating casually, my reflections/hypotheses on said dating and the people it involves, and me floundering throughout the process. Netflix and Chill while dating casually is not on the docket for me and this is not a term I would personally use if I were in love with someone.
Yes the long-term goal is to find my person, but at this moment it's about taking the time to explore individuals and myself and fighting the urge to jump into another lackluster relationship.
I hope this has helped you understand that it's best not to speak out of turn and to really know what/whom you're talking about before you open your mouth so that others don't have to clean up the bullshit that you spew. Have a great day and keep striving not to judge others as will I.

P.S. You can't mic drop, because I already did. Snooze, ya lose!

Best,

Abigail✊

I'm In Foreign Waters: The Dating Game

Well ya'll, I think it has finally been long enough for me to own up to the fact that I am fucking single.

SING.LE.
like a dollar bill in a stripper's thong

but a classy one

Doesn't that word just drip anxiety? For someone like myself who happens to be a serial monogamist, it does.

Hi. My name is Abigail Griffin and it has been 1 month since my last serious relationship.
*snaps for applause*

At the wise, old age of 25, I find that I have done myself an injustice by not allowing myself to date - like real, grown-up, adulting stuff. And I'm also just fucking clueless of how this is all supposed to work. I feel like there's this general idea that guides how dating is supposed to work, but it is becoming more and more obvious to me that everyone has their own individual interpretation of what dating is.

First, you have what in my mind is "Movie Dating". My favorite example of this type of dating is the movie How To Lose a Guy In 10 Days. (If you haven't seen it, go repent, watch it, and get back to me. Kate Hudson. Yum. Matthew McConaughey. Yes, sweet Jesus.) 

The premise of the movie is that both of these people are dating each other for their own personal bets - one wants to terrorize the other until they split, and the other wants to wine and dine until the other falls in love. It's hilarious and endearing. 

But back to the dating aspect: They both actively go out on dates whether it's a Celine Dion concert, a semi-finals basketball game, dinner, or a home-cooked meal with the game playing in the background. There's no Netflix and Chill. I repeat, there is no Netflix and Chill. I'm not even going to get into that idea and our generation. That is a whoooooole different blog post waiting to happen. The few weeks of them dating shows a gradual gravity between them where the relationship gets more and more personal until there's a specific time where McConaughey asks Hudson to attend an event with him, but as his girlfriend officially. 

So, in short (which I am obviously incapable of doing), there's a span of time where two people date each other casually, maybe dating others along the way, have sex when it just feels right, and potentially vibe enough to where they take the step to become exclusive. 

Then, there's this whole idea that "hanging out" is dating, which almost always turns into a relationship, and not very successful ones in my experience. This is a version of Netflix and Chill, where one or both individuals are insecure in their claim on the other and they feel compelled to latch on before they even really know if there is something substantial there out of which to form a relationship.  Lesbians, or fellow members of the gay community, know this as "u-hauling". I'm pretty confident we have all done it and the majority of these situations do not end up blooming into fruitful relationships. Key word is fruuuuitful. PLEASE, someone somewhere tell me I'm wrong so that hopeless romantic Abigail can have a field day. You're lying.
Instead of wining and dining each other, keeping some distance, and really exploring each other, people like to just chill. "Come over to my house and watch a movie." Sure, "watch" "a movie".

 -insert eyeroll- 

Because, we all fucking know what that means: we will both pose as if we are genuinely interested in this movie, but really we just want to make a move on each other, which almost always ends up happening and then someone is miraculously surprised as to why/how you just had sex with one another. Boundaries, anyone?! Gross and boring and easy. Yes, I'm judging you. Yes, I have done it. So, sue me, because I'm judging myself too.
In my opinion, this sets a much lower standard for a relationship. Individuals become too familiar too quickly and they feel a pull to each other that they shouldn't in such a short time. Whenever another option comes around for either party, it sends the other into a frenzy and they feel as if they have to lock each other down so that they don't have to deal with the possibility of not being the chosen one, when in reality, finding out if you are the chosen one is very important. If you aren't going to be chosen while you're just dating or hanging out with someone, you most likely won't be chosen even while you're in a relationship with someone. Chew on THAT ONE for a while. Reeeeally grind it down. We'll have a spitting contest later. I'll win, because I'm older and wiser. Obviously.

I guess where I get lost is, how much information is the other person privy to regarding whether or not you're dating or having sex with other people. What actions are too personal and should be reserved for exclusive relationships and which actions aren't? Is jealousy allowed? Uh, because homegirl over here likes territory markers. Perks of being a serial monogamist, I should think.

 Let's have a quick Q&A!

Q: How much information is the other person privy to regarding whether or not you're dating or having sex with other people?

A: I think all parties should be aware of whether or not the other is sexually active with others. Maybe it should just be an assumption? But I think being forward and clear is the best policy. I also think it's best to inform each other that you're dating other people, unless specifically requested not to. Sometimes people let that information effect their thoughts and it ruins the whole thing, so as long as both parties are in agreement about what information to divulge and what not to, all is right with the world.
Q: What actions are too personal and should be reserved for exclusive relationships and which aren't?
A: Obviously, don't invite someone you're dating to a funeral or family occasion. To me, those are perks of being exclusive. Sometimes I blur these lines, because I care about people and their well-being. NO. DON'T. DO. IT. It just skews the current nature of the relationship and makes you feel as if there's more there than there actually is.  Also, still trying to decide if butterfly kisses should be a perk of exclusivity. Will report back.
Q: Is jealousy allowed?
A: Whether it's allowed or not, it will be there, lurking. I enjoy very clearly noting what is mine and what is not. However, in the dating game, nothing is yours. Even though jealousy is inevitable for some people (who the hell is it not inevitable for, because you're not real), that does not mean that any actions caused by jealousy are appropriate. You get to hold that little demon nugget in your head or deep in your stomach until you have been given the exclusivity token at which point you can spew all that pent up jealousy on the next scrub that thinks they have a special role in your special somebody's life like a bunch of winning tickets spurting out of an arcade game. Go big or go home.

I realize that it all comes down to people and communication. It is imperative to communicate expectations, opinions, concerns regarding an issue like dating and the guidelines of each individual's interpretation. I feel as though people fall short in this area which leads to obvious complications. And seriously, trying to date different people each with their own interpretation of what dating is can give a girl some intense whiplash.

I think most often people are scared. They're scared of rejection or of not being the person that the person they currently want, wants. Instead of being an adult and facing those fears, being honest, they morph into something that the other person prefers or they swear up, down, side-to-side, Hail Mary that they can be who the other person wants. This can only last so long, however, and then what happens? You have just wasted your time and their time. This is something I have realized I no longer have time for, which could also be its own blog entry because I don't know how to shut up! Just own it. Own who you are and what you want, be honest, and don't apologize for it.

All-in-all, I will enjoy the opportunity of this long overdue dating period of my "young" adulthood and I do not intend on cutting it short for anyone unworthy. I am so tired of my time being wasted because of someone else's insecurities or even my own. I am 25 and I can own that I have no interest in being the Netflix and Chill girl. I have no interest in being a fuck buddy or dating randoms. I want to date potential. I want someone to share a life with and Netflix and chill material isn't going to cut it.

.mic drop.

amg
✊